Dear Meat: Dear all Couples of the world and the jealous individuals who are in relationships,

dearmeat:

I wanted to make sure that you all understand the happiness that you are blessed with. I want to make sure that you never take your relationship for granted because you never know when it will be gone. I know how some of you may feel. “This is perfect and forever”, “Oh, I know we have problems but we are strong enough to get by”, ect. However listen to my story before you make the same mistakes I did.

It was 3 years 10 months and 8 days ago today that I met the girl of my dreams. It was an instant connection, it was weak at the time, but it was just scratching the surface. The first 6 months flew by we were untouchable and inseparable. Within the first month we said we loved each other and meant it. Those were the best months of my entire life. Never did I ever feel so alive when I was with her. However that was about the time the fear crept in. I thought to myself “What will the future bring?” What problems may come and will we be able to get past them? Will she ever find someone else she loved more and leave me heart broken? Well my friends that’s what jealousy roots from. I spent the rest of my time with her spending every second in constant worry. It didn’t do anything but cause me to think about it more when I realized that she must not have been getting enough attention from me because she was allowing some jerk to talk to her in ways that were not appropriate for someone who was in a relationship. It wasn’t really all her fault I accepted responsibility, but from then on nothing was then same. I started to always question where she was going, what she was doing, who she was doing it with. I started giving her guilt trips for the times she would leave instead of spending time with me and go out. Now granted at first glance this seems like I wasn’t all that wrong except it was my fault we didn’t spend time together. I never wanted to go hang out with her friends; I always wanted to relax at home with her.

Well this went on for about the last two years we were together. We would occasionally argue about it but it would eventually blow over and we would be fine again. It was about the first week of January this year that we got into another argument about it. Things didn’t seem to sizzle out the way they usually did though. About a week went by and things didn’t really change all that much I mean we were still doing normal couple things but I think each of us felt a little mad at the other for some reason. Around the end of that week I had gotten invited to a friend’s girlfriend’s birthday party and she had to work so I went alone. Little did I know that one of my oldest childhood friends was about to propose and ask me to videotape the whole thing. It was about that moment something changed. I remembered all the good times my girlfriend and I had through out the years and I remembered that feeling from the first six months. I wasn’t really sure what to make of it so I pushed it into the back of my mind until later that night when I tried to sleep. It was that night that I realized 100 percent that no matter what happen I would always love this girl and that I wanted to be with her for the rest of my life. I had no more worry, no more fears. I knew in my heart that I was willing to do what ever it took to keep this girl in my life and by my side. I had never been so happy and relieved before.

The next day she got up and went to work as usual and I stayed home. This is where the purpose of this story comes in. She had a break in between jobs and came home to get some new work cloths. I was so happy to see her I jumped up off the couch and followed her up the stairs. I tried waiting patiently for her to change but I couldn’t help myself I was so in love all over again. I grabbed her in my arms and gave her an amazing kiss, it was filled with so much love coming from me I think it over powered her a little. She tried to hold it back but she couldn’t. She was crying. In confusion I sat up off of her and asked what was wrong. “I’m sorry” she said. “I wanted to try and wait until I got home from work tonight to talk to you but I can’t help it. I think we need to take a break for a while.” My heart sunk. Never had I ever herd those words from her or even imagined I would ever hear them. I asked her why and she couldn’t give me a reason. I don’t know if she even knew why she felt she needed this, but it was happening. I tried so hard to convince her otherwise. I poured my heart out and told her everything that I had been going through and what I had thought about the night before, but it was no use. We were over. I ended up leaving the house not that long after that to stay at my mothers for a while so I could give her some space. She said she just wanted some time for herself and if she wanted to get back together she would let me know. I hoped that she just needed some space and I figured a few nights with out me would make her come around but it didn’t. All I could think about was her, I was so heart broken and I didn’t even know why this was all happening. The next two weeks or so we had talks about it and met a few times but I was hurting so bad every chance I got I tried to talk to her and see her and convince her to come back to me. This apparently made things worse until one night she texted me and said I can’t see or talk to you anymore you make me feel guilty for leaving you and I hurt because I see how hurt you are. I don’t want to get back with you because I feel guilty and want to try and make you happy again. So here I am almost a month and a half later slowly going insane and destroying my life because she was all I ever wanted and needed and I can’t have her. I know I should move on but I don’t want to. So all I do now is sit and remember good times with her and cry and sink deeper into depression.

I want all of you jealous people and even all you normal couples to know just one thing. Cherish every second with the person you love and never let go of them if you can help it. You don’t want to find yourself like me. Spending the better half of 4 years with that person and not doing right by them and then they leave you broken and unfixable. Every inch of this town I live in is littered with memories of the happiest time I have ever had and lost, and she still hasn’t explained to me why.

                                                     Sincerely,

                                                     A shattered and unfixable heart.